My name is Lena and I suffer from anxiety. As a strong, independent woman, it's hard to admit to such a 'condition.'  My first attack (that I am aware of) was when I was a junior in college. I thought I was having a heart attack. These panic attacks happened like 10 times a day it seemed like. I felt out of touch with reality and didn't know what to do. I talked to a roomate of mine at the time and she said that her sister gets panic attacks, which made sense to me, gave an explanation of what was happening, and made me feel a little better. I never really told anyone of my anxiety at the time, and it eventually went away. I always felt like I was strong to 'think' my way out of it. That was 8 years ago.

Throughout the years, I have had little mini-panick attacks here and there, but nothing that was staggering, until recently. In October of this year (2007) I had a massive anxiety attack - well a series of them. It was a Sunday and I was a bit hungover from last nights festivities and I went to a park with my dog and a friend. I was on my way home and didn't feel well and when I got home, my front door was wide open. I called my mom and said something that made absolutely no sense...like I couldn't really remember what had happned that day. That threw me into a massive attack that is still going on to this day. 

Of course, it's morphed into something much larger. I have read people's stories about how they think they have MS, or a heart condition, or a stroke or something of that sort...well, my problem is that I think I am losing my mind. My cognative abilites have weakened in the past couple of months (typing isn't as good, can't remember words, etc.) and it scares me. Also, I can't sleep. I have crazy thoughts that race through my head when I lay down. I know that when someone suffers from anxiety, it exhausts their system because of the sensory overload - but I still can't seem to apply that knowledge to my concious self. I used to be a beautiful fun girl, and now I feel like I am pale and always tired, and thinking about my anxiety and wondering if I am going to live a normal life. I am so scared and sad at the same time. Does anyone out there know for sure that this is anxiety?  - Or am I losing my mind?

Lena